Martin Luther

Commenting on Scientology, Inside and Outside the Church

Archive for the category “Humor”

The Dark Side

Apparently, we Independent/Field folk are being referred to inside the Church as “The Dark Side”, presumed to be referring to the characters in Star Wars who have gone over to the “Dark Side”. Pretty ironic, under the circumstances, don’t you think?

Here’s what I want to know. What if we all dressed up as the Star Wars emperor (leader of the Dark Side) with dark tunics and dark hooded capes, and walked into our nearest Orgs? Could we take over?

(Of course, I’m not sure how much confidence PCs would have in being audited by guys in black hoods and capes. Could be a problem.)

We don’t believe in…

I was watching an episode of an old science fiction show on Youtube the other day. The story was about a timid young man who came to see a psychologist to handle his timidity. For a variety of reasons, the psychologist put him under hypnosis and asked him to go back in time. As it turns out, the lad returned to 1899. He was about to be hanged for killing a man.

Of course, the psychologist’s comm cycle was rough and invalidative. But when the session was over, a verification call was made to where this incident took place. Sure enough, there had been a man there by that name at that time, who had been hanged for murder.

At the end of the episode of this program, you were left with the puzzle of how this young man “remembered” this incident, when he had never been exposed to any history of the location or time in question. Of course the answers proposed had to do with electromagnetic vibrations or cell memory or whatever. Why? Because, as the narrator put it, “We don’t believe in reincarnation”.

This struck me as remarkably funny.

Of course, the obvious answer couldn’t possibly be true, because “we don’t believe in that”. So what you’re saying is that scientific inquiry, supposedly the most pure, objective and unbiased approach to the natural world, is stifled by mere belief. Instead, we have to postulate some impossibly complex, impossible to verify explanation having to do with brain chemistry and electromagnetic waves. It’d have to be something like that, because “we don’t believe in reincarnation”. (And the unspoken idea that Man is just a bunch of chemicals; souls and spirits are just religious mumbo jumbo.)

Pretty silly, isn’t it?

Of course, this explains why Ron succeeded where the thousands before him failed. Ron, too, was doubtful about past lives when he first encountered them in auditing. Of course, the obvious research tack to take would be to test this phenomenon on others. Could they be persuaded to return to incidents in prior “lifetimes” which they couldn’t possibly know anything about consciously? And could the details of the incidents be verified objectively? This is what the psychologist in the original program should have done. But of course, “we don’t believe in reincarnation”. Ron looked past this “belief” stuff and took seriously the central tenets of scientific research, and went ahead and performed such experiments. The result, to the horror of the directors of the original Hubbard Dianetic Research Foundation, was that, somehow we did live multiple lives, and that we could remember them. And moreover, when these past life incidents were contacted, people often experienced intense relief from whatever was currently troubling them. This required a whole re-thinking of the relationship between the mind, the body, the physical universe, and whatever might be thought of as a “soul”. But again, with the proper unbiased facts in view, the answer was basically simple.

For those who don’t know the story of how Ron started this whole voyage of discovery, and who are interested in how science factored into it, I’d strongly suggest Dianetics The Evolution of a Science. It’s an entertaining look at Ron’s thought processes and the early track of discovery where they led him. For those who don’t believe in past lives, you needn’t worry. This book doesn’t get into that part of the research; past lives was later on. The book is short and the narrative is lively and amusing in a lot of places. I’ve re-read this book a number of times, just for fun. Definitely recommended.

Scientology Wins

A commenter to another blogger’s blog recently suggested that they were tired of all the bad news, and would like to read about some good news for a change. I think that’s not a bad idea. So let me give you a win my wife and I experienced.

My wife and I met (this lifetime) while we were both students at the International Training Organization (ITO) in Los Angeles. She was from the East Coast studying through the FEBC, and I was from Los Angeles studying through the OEC. The study schedule was comparable to a Sea Org work schedule. She was quite an excellent student, getting through her courses in (unreasonable) checksheet time and tearing through the material with vigor. I was a good student, but much more laid back. She was relatively new in Scientology, but I’d gotten into Scientology a decade before and this was my third instance of being on staff. Needless to say, I’d been through the ringer a few times already.

In any case, because of various postulates we’d both made long long ago, we were attracted to each other. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed together one night. And everything would have been okay, except that my new lover almost immediately felt pangs of conscience. She turned us into HCO the next day. I’ve teased her for years about being a squealer, but I understood and respected her choice.

Of course, this wasn’t exactly the type of activity the Sea Org staff of ITO wanted to see their outer org students engaging in. The HAS, an older woman of French Canadian birth with a naturally sour disposition, was livid with us. She was ready to have us declared. She immediately commanded that we could not associate with each other, either in or out of class, and put us both on various ethics and clean-up programs. My lover got some 2D FPRD, I got some False Data Stripping, etc. And of course, we both had to start off in quite low ethics conditions. In the meantime the HAS had to have the International Justice Chief (IJC) clean her up on the fact that we weren’t Sea Org, so the Sea Org’s 2D rules didn’t apply to us. Her plans to have us shot from guns dashed by IJC, she continued to put barriers in front of us.

But eventually it came down to this: we were ready to confront the question of possibly having a long term 2D, and the next step was a Non-Existence formula. And that’s where the big win comes in. When was the last time you heard of anyone embarking on a real live Non-Existence formula before they got married? Just doesn’t happen.

But it did with us. We discussed our backgrounds, what we wanted from the second dynamic, what we would expect of each other, etc. We covered all kinds of nooks and crannies, and did a thorough Non-Existence formula. And ultimately we got married. The HAS was thwarted, but the other students at ITO were, in the majority, rooting for us.

(If you detect some sarcasm with respect to that old HAS, your perceptions are correct. I still find it amusing how upset she was with us and how much counter-intention she leveled at us. I like to tease my wife that the only reason I married her was to p*ss off that woman.)

I’m happy to say that we’ve been married for 25 years, and for the majority of our marriage we’ve also worked together. We’ve raised a daughter and now have three granddaughters. I can’t say that Non-Existence formula was the only thing that kept us together, but it certainly helped. And it was an exactly correct application of the proper tech under the proper circumstances.

The Tech works. When in doubt (or Non-E), try it!

The Paul Rundown

As I mentioned in my last post here, when a friend of mine, still on the other side of the fence, was told of my declare, she was told I’d developed a rundown. And as I explained in the last post, I did no such thing. I suggested some actions from LRH Standard Tech which could be applied to people leaving the Church, and ultimately packaged as a rundown for their benefit.

But the more I thought about this fabricated claim that I had “developed a rundown”, the funnier I thought the whole thing was. I decided that I should make the Church right and actually develop a rundown. After a little more work (and no piloting), I’m now ready to unveil my new rundown. The Paul Rundown.

Of course like every good rundown, there are some provisos about it. To wit:

Side effects may include headaches, dizziness, disorientation, suicidal thoughts and head explosions. Consult your C/S if you’re already taking MAO inhibitors. People with cooties should not be taking the Paul Rundown. Women who are pregnant or might become pregnant should consult their C/S before undertaking any rundowns.

The rundown doesn’t really have an E.P. But it does have a promotional tag line which can be used in marketing materials. How many rundowns do you know of that come with that?

The Paul Rundown. When you’re tired of getting better.

The tech for this rundown doesn’t come from Ron and is far older than his research, so the Church can’t complain. It consists of a series of separate actions, all of which together are designed to do something or other. They are:

  • Run with scissors (bonus points if you stab yourself; double bonus points if you stab someone else).
  • Go outside in the rain without a raincoat (bonus points if you catch a cold).
  • Drink from the garden hose (bonus points if you have to have your stomach pumped).
  • Find a fruit tree and start eating fruit from it without washing it first (bonus points if you have to go to the hospital afterwards).
  • Make faces at yourself in the mirror for at least ten minutes (bonus points if your face freezes that way).
  • Cross your eyes (bonus points if you can’t get them uncrossed).
  • Go swimming directly after eating a big meal (bonus points for drowning).
  • Chew with your mouth open (bonus points if your food falls out of your mouth)
  • Read a book in a darkened room (bonus points if you go blind)
  • Swallow your chewing gum (bonus points if your autopsy still shows that gum in your gut)
  • Crack your knuckles (bonus points if they swell up to twice their normal size)
  • Drink a Diet Coke after eating Mentos mints or vice versa (bonus points if your stomach explodes)

The Paul Rundown can be done solo or with a twin, but must be supervised by a fully trained and interned Paul Rundown C/S.

Heck, this developing rundowns is easy!

I’m Declared… Supposedly

Today I got a letter from Cara Golashesky, FLB Justice Chief, penned 29 January 2013, and proclaiming that my wife and I had been declared. I guess someone read our blogs. (How do they manage that, what with the interwebs being off limits? Somebody out there probably snitched on us. Lousy backbiting snitches!) Funny thing, though. I don’t remember a Committee of Evidence duly convened to examine the evidence. My wife doesn’t either. You suppose they held one and never notified us? Nah. They probably just skipped it. We probably wouldn’t have reported in if they’d ordered us to, anyway.

Oh by the way, although they were gracious enough to include the HCOPL Suppressive Acts Suppression Of Scientology And Scientologists, they must have forgotten to include the actual all-important goldenrod Flag Conditions Order itself. Wait… you don’t suppose they never actually published one of those, do you? Wow. That would be kinda off policy, wouldn’t it?

That’s okay, though. I figured they might be pretty busy by the time they got around to declaring us. Fortunately, I invented the perfect answer: The Do-It-Yourself Declare Kit. Whew! That’s a relief!

For those who are curious, we are supposedly guilty of the following (they were nice enough to highlight the proper transgressions in the policy letter):

  • Public statements against Scientology or Scientologists but not to Committees of Evidence duly convened.
  • Continued membership in a divergent group.
  • Continued adherence to a person or group pronounced a suppressive person or group by HCO.
  • Failure to handle or disavow and disconnect from a person demonstrably guilty of suppressive acts.
  • Engaging in malicious rumormongering to destroy the authority or repute of higher officers or the leading names of Scientology or to “safeguard” a position.
  • Violation or neglect of the ten points of Keeping Scientology Working….

One thing puzzles me, though. They talk about all this stuff we’ve supposedly done in relation to something called “Scientology”. I’m not sure what they’re talking about. You don’t suppose they’re talking about that cult led by that Miscavige guy, do you? You don’t supposed they’re calling that “Scientology”, do you? I dunno. I’ve read some of that stuff Hubbard wrote. That Miscavige stuff doesn’t sound too much like that Hubbard stuff to me.

Oh well. That’s okay. I’ll fill out my Do-It-Yourself Declare later. Right now I gotta get some sleep. Gotta be sessionable tomorrow!

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