Martin Luther

Commenting on Scientology, Inside and Outside the Church

The Paul Rundown

As I mentioned in my last post here, when a friend of mine, still on the other side of the fence, was told of my declare, she was told I’d developed a rundown. And as I explained in the last post, I did no such thing. I suggested some actions from LRH Standard Tech which could be applied to people leaving the Church, and ultimately packaged as a rundown for their benefit.

But the more I thought about this fabricated claim that I had “developed a rundown”, the funnier I thought the whole thing was. I decided that I should make the Church right and actually develop a rundown. After a little more work (and no piloting), I’m now ready to unveil my new rundown. The Paul Rundown.

Of course like every good rundown, there are some provisos about it. To wit:

Side effects may include headaches, dizziness, disorientation, suicidal thoughts and head explosions. Consult your C/S if you’re already taking MAO inhibitors. People with cooties should not be taking the Paul Rundown. Women who are pregnant or might become pregnant should consult their C/S before undertaking any rundowns.

The rundown doesn’t really have an E.P. But it does have a promotional tag line which can be used in marketing materials. How many rundowns do you know of that come with that?

The Paul Rundown. When you’re tired of getting better.

The tech for this rundown doesn’t come from Ron and is far older than his research, so the Church can’t complain. It consists of a series of separate actions, all of which together are designed to do something or other. They are:

  • Run with scissors (bonus points if you stab yourself; double bonus points if you stab someone else).
  • Go outside in the rain without a raincoat (bonus points if you catch a cold).
  • Drink from the garden hose (bonus points if you have to have your stomach pumped).
  • Find a fruit tree and start eating fruit from it without washing it first (bonus points if you have to go to the hospital afterwards).
  • Make faces at yourself in the mirror for at least ten minutes (bonus points if your face freezes that way).
  • Cross your eyes (bonus points if you can’t get them uncrossed).
  • Go swimming directly after eating a big meal (bonus points for drowning).
  • Chew with your mouth open (bonus points if your food falls out of your mouth)
  • Read a book in a darkened room (bonus points if you go blind)
  • Swallow your chewing gum (bonus points if your autopsy still shows that gum in your gut)
  • Crack your knuckles (bonus points if they swell up to twice their normal size)
  • Drink a Diet Coke after eating Mentos mints or vice versa (bonus points if your stomach explodes)

The Paul Rundown can be done solo or with a twin, but must be supervised by a fully trained and interned Paul Rundown C/S.

Heck, this developing rundowns is easy!


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