Martin Luther

Commenting on Scientology, Inside and Outside the Church

Do It Yourself Declare Kit

I’ve now seen quite a few people in the Independent Field comment or complain that the Church was not declaring them in a reasonable time frame, if at all. But what if you need that declare to get into the latest Independent Field party or secret gathering? It’s not fair that you should have to wait. So here at the Martin Luther blog, we’ve solved that problem for you: Here for the first time ever is the Do-It-Yourself Declare Kit! No more waiting in line at your local Ethics Officer’s or MAA’s office. No more feeling like a second class Independent. Now you too can be part of the “Out Crowd”. Just download your copy of the official Do-It-Yourself Declare Kit, print it out, fill in your name, check off your particular crime, and you’re there! No delays, no waiting! Put goldenrod paper in your printer to make it look even more official!

                        LAND ORGANIZATION

PENNANT CONDITIONS ORDER 666      DATE: ___________________

                         (your name here)

is hereby declared a SUPPRESSIVE PERSON.

Reason (Choose One):

_____ Said or thought that David Miscavige was wrong about something.
_____ Said or thought that David Miscavige did something wrong.
_____ Said or thought David Miscavige was a meanie.
_____ Has or had disagreements with David Miscavige
_____ Said or thought that the Church was incorrect about something.
_____ Said or thought that the Church did something wrong.
_____ Has or had disagreements with the Church
_____ Refused to cough up cash when the Church asked
_____ Had something bad come up in a sec check
_____ Read a newspaper.
_____ Read anything on the Internet.
_____ Is a current member of the Church in good standing
_____ Some other random reason.

The practice of disconnection was cancelled in the Church in 1968. 
Therefore, anyone who has ever known or communicated with this 
person is forbidden from doing so in the future, on threat of 
immediate declare and expulsion. Also you will go to hell. His/her 
only terminal is David Miscavige, since the International Justice 
Chief is probably in the RPF and will never be replaced.

                           J. Random Staff Member
                           for the Church of Scn International


Double secret copyright, no backs by the 
Church of Scn International

Link to download PDF


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5 thoughts on “Do It Yourself Declare Kit

  1. Indie Anon on said:

    🙂 When I first read it, I got a good laugh whit this kit. 🙂

    Today, cross commented in Marty’s blog:

    By the way, why choose only one reason? Probably there is more than one.
    “Reason (Choose One)” should be replaced with “Reason(s) (Choose at least one)”

  2. Great document! Enjoyed reading it.

  3. Carol on said:

    I love it!!! lol

  4. Mike R on said:

    You forgot one, the reason my wife and I got declared: Forwarded Debbie Cook’s email and that ratter outed us.

  5. Heh….that’s a hoot. I laughed out loud several times while reading it. I’d seen people post the link to it, but never clicked through to read it. Funny as hell….thanks!

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