Martin Luther

Commenting on Scientology, Inside and Outside the Church

Jokes (For Those With A Sense Of Humor)

Here are some jokes, just for Scientologists. If you can’t laugh at yourself or some of the quirks of your religion, don’t read them. I have no desire to hurt anyone’s feelings or offend anyone. I expect that even Ron would have laughed at these. The first is one I made up, and the last two have been around for years. I hope you enjoy them.

Joke #1:

My wife was running a touch assist on me the other day, and suddenly asked me if I was wearing rings… (think about it).

Joke #2:

Question: How many Scientologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Five. One to screw in the light bulb, and four to sign the routing form.

Joke #3:

LRH dies and goes up to heaven. At the pearly gates, he meets St. Peter. St. Peter has his clipboard in hand with his list of names on it. He asks Ron for his name and Ron says, “L. Ron Hubbard”. St. Peter’s eyes widen a bit as he looks up from his list, and asks, “The L. Ron Hubbard?” Ron hesitates for a second and replies, “Yeah, I guess so, sure.” St. Peter, still a little skeptical, asks, “The L. Ron Hubbard who wrote Dianetics and founded Scientology?” Ron replied, “Yeah, that’s me. Is there a problem?” St. Peter held up his hand and instructed Ron to stay right there at the Pearly Gates. Then St. Peter went inside the gates and was gone for a time.

Soon, St. Peter returned with another gentleman. His companion was a youngish fellow in his early 30s with flowing brown hair, a dark complexion, and a beard. The companion came up to Ron and asked, “You’re the L. Ron Hubbard?” Ron replied, “Yeah. Listen, is there a problem?” The companion, rather than answering the question, simply said, “Come with me.”

Ron and the young fellow proceeded through the Pearly Gates and to a pathway which led to a long set of steps. They began to climb the steps, and soon Ron could see that at the top of the steps there was an older gentleman sitting on a golden throne. The older man was dressed in white robes and had long, flowing white hair and a long white beard.

Soon, Ron and the younger fellow were at the top of the stairs. At this point, the young fellow addressed the older man sitting on the throne. He said, “Father, I have brought you The L. Ron Hubbard.” The older man looked Ron up and down, and in a deep, booming voice said, “So you’re the L. Ron Hubbard, eh?” Ron, sensing that this fellow was someone very important, said, “Yes sir. I am.” Whereupon the man on the throne pointed to his side and said, “Say listen, Ron, I’ve got this somatic right here….”



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2 thoughts on “Jokes (For Those With A Sense Of Humor)

  1. 1984 on said:

    Three Scientologists go to a restaurant (a Grade O release, a Clear and an OT-5). They are in a hurry.
    During the meal, they need the attention of the waitress, who is very busy.
    The Grade O says “Allow me!”, and he proceeds to direct his attention at the waitress with such force that he starts to sweat (his eyes are almost bulging out). The waitress does not notice him.
    The Clear intervenes to show him how it is done. He serenely focuses his attention on the waitress.
    The waitress is still rather busy and does not notice.
    The OT takes over and says “No, here is how it is done”. He raises his hand and says loudly “Miss” to the waitress. This she notices.

    • That’s it! That’s it! There was one joke I heard years ago, and when I wrote this post, I couldn’t remember how it actually went all the way through. So I didn’t include it. But that’s it. Many thanks for the comment. Now the jokes are complete.

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